welcome 2012

I started this year by lifting all the things that is not me but still in me…

Heyhooo, sudah duaribuduabelas ya ternyata. Well, berhubung ini adalah post pertama saya di tahun ini, ijinkan saya mengucapkan Happy 2012 to all of you. May all your wishes come true in this year yah

Waw, ada banyak banget sebenarnya yang mau saya share hari ini. Tapi yah, karena kebanyakan, jadi bingung mau mulai cerita dari mana. Ini nih akibat mulai jarang nulis. Gimana mau nulis coba, habis gawe bawaanya pengen tepar melulu. Rasanya tiap masuk kamar tuh kasur manggil-manggil melulu minta dijamah :p Oke, let’s start it by something what we called ‘kepribadian’. Pernah nggak, suatu saat kalian merasa jenuh sama sikap kalian sendiri? Terlintas di benak kalian pertanyaan seperti, aduuuh kok aku gini terus sih, harusnya kan gini, harusnya kan gitu.

Well, tiap orang punya sisi baik dan buruknya masing-masing. Sayapun begitu. Akhir-akhir ini, tepatnya di penghujung tahun lalu dan sedikit di awal tahun ini, saya benar-benar ngerasa capek dengan sisi buruk dalam diri saya sendiri. Pertama, saya capek sakit-sakitan (salah sendiri nggak jaga kondisi), kedua, saya capek ngiri sama orang-orang yang bisa dapetin apa yang mereka mau dengan mudah, ketiga, saya capek mikirin apa yang orang lain pikirin tentang saya. Yang terakhir itu serius dan parah loh. Itu salah satu sisi negatif dalam diri saya yang paling berbahaya dan menjatuhkan. Mungkin orang-orang yang baru kenal saya akan berpikir saya ini tipe orang yang cuek, tapi belakangan saya tidak. Hal-hal sepele bisa saya pikirin, padahal seingat saya, dulu saya bukan pribadi yang seperti itu. Dan, sumpah, itu amat-sangat-melelahkan.

So, mulailah saya meninggalkan semua itu perlahan-lahan. Saya nggak ambil pusing lagi dengan apa yang orang-orang pikirin tentang saya. Saya berbaikan dengan kata hati dan mulai mengikuti langkahnya lagi. Saya menemukan sosok yang hilang dari diri saya sendiri. Saya meninggalkannya. Dan saya menjadi diri saya sendiri lagi

Tahun kemarin memang too many drama, sampai rasanya saya nggak kenal lagi sama diri saya sendiri. Tapi tahun ini harus berbeda. Yang rusak harus dibenahi, yang luka harus diobati, yang patah semangat harus berharap lagi. Karena kita hidup untuk hari ini dan besok, bukan kemarin. Iya, kan?

welcome home, verum me

Semoga semua target tahun ini tercapai, happy new year! -mahap telat-

 

Bizarre Love Triangle

I don’t know what time exactly is it, I just remember that I was watching Indonesia vs Malaysia on final match of sea games and Malaysia won the game by penalty! (aaaaak, penonton kecewa >.<) I was oversleep and I woke up because of short of breath. Yep, in last two days I was bothered by my asthma T___T I can’t  freely breath and the most annoying thing is I can’t sleep well. I feel lack of sleep during my day because stay awake until early morning, just like now. So, instead of keep rolling around at my bed, I decide to write about something. Umm… what should I write about? *thinking*

One day I was in the car while my bf was driving next to me, we were in our way back to my home after hang out together that night. We listened to the radio and fortunately there was a song that he loves. It is ‘Bizarre Love Triangle’  by Frente. And I don’t know why, this song stick in my head until the next few days. I searched the complete lyric and tried to understand the meaning of this song. I suddenly thought the writer of this song must be had experience in love-triangle-relationship so he could wrote the lyric meaningfully.

Something that bizarre is very odd and strange. Well, everybody knows that triangle-love is odd and strange, isn’t it? The question is, why could this happen? Why could a guy or a girl falling in love with two persons in the same time? I once read in @thenotebook that if a guy loves two girls in the same time, he should leaves the first because if it’s really love, he never falling to the second. Uuumm.. it make sense…

I always feel curious of them who have ever been in a love triangle. What makes he or she put up with this confusing relationship? I also always wonder how a person could loves two persons with the same percentage of feeling, is it possible? Is any of you who has experience stuck in this kind of relationship could give the answer? Please share with me, I’ll write your story here (haaaha ) I’m waiting…

Pheeew, let’s turn on winamp and play the song while waiting for your story~

♫ Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It’s no problem of mine but it’s a problem I find
Living a life that I can’t leave behind
There’s no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won’t set you free
But that’s the way that it goes
And it’s what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I’m waiting for that final moment
You’ll say the words that I can’t say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don’t know what to say
Why can’t we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I’m not sure what this could mean
I don’t think you’re what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then we’d never see just what we’re meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I’m waiting for that final moment
You’ll say the words that I can’t say